Unplanned pregnancy – and now?
If the pregnancy test is positive, that does not always automatically triggers feelings of happiness. If the pregnancy was not planned, a confusing feeling mixture of joy, fear and anxiety can lead to the question: Should I get the child?
Sometimes the Surprise is the greatest happiness
Photo: © fotolia.com/ CandyBox Images
Perhaps you feel too young or too old for a child who is currently without a partner or without family support there, or you wanted to really focus on the first career. There are many reasons why a pregnancy might just does not fit into the life plan of the expectant mother.
My partner gave me the strength
Also wanted to know Pregnant fears and concerns in relation to the new situation, the more they are then sometimes if the baby was not planned in the abdomen. This also knows Andrea, which concluded 20 years out of the blue that she is pregnant: "My world has collapsed. I had the feeling that my life was over with it, and I even thought secretly about an abortion. I have only cried and was completely desperate. but my partner has blasted from the first moment and was overjoyed. This has given me the ultimate strength and the confidence to get the child. I knew no matter what happened, he is for me and our child there. In retrospect, this little `Überraschungsei' was our greatest happiness that we would give it back for anything in the world!"
A perfect time there had not been
Similarly, experienced Catherine. She had just accepted a new job and a move was imminent. Although children were a topic in their partnership, but first both wanted to get ahead in business. "My first thought was just` Schei ... 'and I immediately burst into tears, "says the 32-year-old. "My husband was desperate and said it was now a very bad time." Has helped not to be the two in this situation the support of her family, which has awarded them from the beginning courage and made them feel alone. "Abortion was never up for debate here. While we are not opposed in principle, but we could not cope with the emotional consequences that this entails "Catherine's story found its happy ending with the birth of her little son". It was definitely the right decision to get him. I know today that there had never been the 'perfect' time with me. It would still have been something I would have to do. My son is definitely the best thing I have in my life, better than any job in the world. "
The surprise child is particularly successful
Even in mature age can result in a surprising and initially frightening Pregnancy: Elisabeth had four children, the youngest was only seven years old and she felt for some time relieved flourished, said she was out of the woods. For the summer, the family had long planned a vacation in the mountains: "In the spring, I suddenly felt regularly tomorrow nausea." The then 37-year-old was initially just rolls over. Once again, the whole thing over again, that thought she felt initially just shocked and overwhelmed. Especially for her husband, but also for them a termination but for religious reasons was not an option. So she opted for the pregnancy: "I must admit, I had the first few months anything but friendly feelings mother." When the baby finally was after a difficult birth in her arms, she but loved it immediately so strong and intimate as her other four children, and today she even says: "For anything in the world I want to give it back, I do believe Sandra is the most successful child of all."
Where the yes to the child was not possible
But not always find women the courage to accept this challenge. Martina tells why she has chosen not to her child: "I was almost 40 and I was told the gynecologist that I probably can not be pregnant. Therefore, we took it to the prevention not as accurate. When it was happening, I could do was cry basically. My friend was crying because he was happy that way. "In the coming weeks, the couple that knew each other only half a year, only a fight. Martina was already a single mother of an 8 year old and was abandoned in the first pregnancy, "I know what it means to stand all alone, without the support of parents or partners. All the promises in the respect that it already manages it and get help from somewhere, unfortunately grab in the end not really. "
Up to the seventh week of pregnancy Martina was sure never to be able to abort, but she was getting panicky, "The despair, panic and sadness have everything else covered. I was afraid that the child is not healthy because of my age. I was afraid that I stand with two children by two men alone and can not do. Above me hung, Hartz4 bell '... "
I would have loved the child
Martina turned to "pro familia": "According to this really great and very neutral advice I felt for the first time well. I have very clear thought: I can not get the baby unfortunately. I knew I would be so sad or so. If I keep it, I will be sad and desperate, if not, too. I said goodbye peacefully and with love by the little soul and then leave to make the demolition "In the days after that, the single parents felt relieved:". Built Holt took me the whole again until my period. These days I'm sad every time that I did not get this innocent creature. I would have loved it, like my daughter. " Martina odds with the decision, but it has taken them aware accepts all personal consequences and feels great compassion for each woman standing in front of such a decision.
No, not now!
"Torn" less internally has this serious step Urbia-Userin "kiki2000". The then 18-year-old was only three months along with her peers friend, both were in the middle of training. By their parents, the two could hope for no support, the young woman's mother was long dead, the father of two years in prison. The friend's parents had no financial possibilities to grab the young couple a helping hand. "Kiki2000" says she did not have to think long: "When I held the positive pregnancy test in hand, it was immediately clear: No! Even my boyfriend at the time could not imagine a child, not now! There was nothing to discuss, under these circumstances, I wanted to put a child into the world "The demolition was carried out in the tenth week." I felt then relieved and regret this step a single second "Meanwhile, the young woman's mother. one year old son: "he indeed was unplanned, but he was immediately desirable because the circumstances had changed and I saw no reason not to get him."
If women do not trust to keep her child, abortion is also not an option, adoption may be (openly or anonymously) a possible way. This also beat Urbia-Userin "yvi86" one who became pregnant at age 16 for a family abuse. "I wanted this child give birth, but knew at the same time, I can offer him anything," says the now 26-year-old. She turns to the youth welfare office and is getting to know the potential adoptive parents. "It was immediately an incredible sympathy and they were willing to go the way of open adoption with me." Even at birth allowed the "spare Mama" taking part and then five days remained in the family room in the maternity ward. "Yvi86" recalls: "This gave me time to say goodbye to my wonderful boys and the adoptive parents could get to know him."
In the first year photos are sent, a reunion follows, as the little one is a year old. After another four children who live with her, the young woman is satisfied with the situation: "We phone regularly, once I tell him a week doing a bedtime story and see you four times a year. He knows that I am his `Bauchmama' and finds it cool to have two mommies. . My children know that they have a big brother and love him very much "The close contact is desired by all," yvi86 "talks a lot with the adoptive parents:" It's fine the way it is. there he has a wonderful family, it is at home. "
sort the mess in the head
Women who are pregnant unplanned, often feel overwhelmed and overburdened by their feelings towards these unexpected circumstances. In order to make an emotional and rational decision, but has the "chaos in the head" first be sorted.
Consulting without paternalism
For women affected, it is often easier to talk anonymously with a person who is not involved in the conflict. So they can make their personal thoughts and feelings arrange ever before family and friends are inaugurated. Numerous contact points for women in this situation, for example, offers the nonprofit association "pro familia", Trained counselors help clients to formulate their needs, fears and doubts, without them to patronize it.
Regine Wlassitschau by the Federation "pro familia" points out that women who are considering an abortion, are obliged to consult in a recognized pregnancy conflict counseling center: "The consultation is available to talk about the reasons that motivate the women to abort. The contents of the consultation are regulated by law, women are doing in principle encourages the continuation of pregnancy. However, so you will need not worry that they will have to justify in any way in the conversation or be pressed to call your reasons or to change their decision already taken. The decision whether the pregnancy is terminated or not is entirely up to the pregnant woman. the women will also receive information on all financial and social aids that are considered to facilitate the continuation of the pregnancy and to open perspectives for a life with the child on request. And: The consultation is completely confidential."
Help for victims
An internal conflict due to an unplanned pregnancy can be a huge emotional challenge for the future parents. A bullet how women should decide in this situation, there is not. This always depends on the individual situation and the feelings of pregnant women against the unborn child.
Advice and assistance in a conflict pregnancy, whether by phone, via email or in person, you will find on the
Engine of the Federal Center for Health Education (BZgA)