You want to adopt a child from abroad? A difficult decision. How it works and what to look about to Urbia has put together.
Intercountry Adoption: One in five children not from Germany
Photo: © iStockphoto.com/ MShep2
The desire to adopt a foreign child has many reasons. Some parents have realized professionally and want a child now, but it does not quite work out for different reasons. The adoption of a German child maybe is difficult because of the age of the parents or for other reasons. Some have also already own children and would like another child that fits better in age to the family as an infant. At the same time they have to offer a hapless child in one of the poor countries of the world a good future desire.
In 2008 1.251 adopted children and young people had not a German citizen. 612 of these children had come on the occasion of the adoption by Germany. Aid organizations that are committed to the so-called Third World, see international adoption with mixed feelings. Because, unfortunately, the majority of the children will not be adopted on recognized exchanges. Many couples get one to the offers of dubious intermediaries. Here are often the origin, age and history of the children stated wrong.
In the procurement of the child is not rare either against fraud and falsification of documents for birth certificates, civil status documents, informed consent of the mothers, nor child abduction recoiled. Even a long-term care of the parents on the Adoption also missing. So you should look for only respectable exchanges according to the wish child to actually reduce suffering and not to increase. But also many other things need to be considered and to consider if you want to adopt a foreign child.
What we have to prepare ourselves for the new family member?
One should not be misled by pictures of sweet, exotic-looking children's faces to overly romantic notions themselves. Many children who can not take the German parents happy in receiving more or less injured in their soul, or have physical Illness or disability. "Children who leave a home are damaged:
- Deprivation (mental or physical deficiencies)
- lack of networks in the brain,
- Rickets (caused by vitamin D deficiency bone deformations)
- severe myopia,
- Hospitalismus (behavioral disorder by monotonous environment and lack of care),
- serious infections to hepatitis B and AIDS,
- Attention Deficit Disorder
and much more are the possible consequences of home life"So Pastor Wolfgang Gerts by the Federal Association for parents of foreign adopted children (who disbanded in early 2010). Parents should therefore ask themselves realistically how resilient they are and what diseases and problems they think along well to come and what not.
It also comes with adopted children sometimes happens that they give themselves difficult and the limits of parents to unusually strong way "debug", What then looks for the uncertain adoptive parents and rejection on the part of the child, is just the opposite: Looking for Love and unconditional Suppose-Werden. The children tested in this way, if the parents still love them if they themselves "angry" are.
The often simple sensations of new parents for their child must be considered and factored honest: "In the adoption, there is often a feeling, it lacked something in the relationship with the child, if I had not from the beginning"White Gert's. The new parents should be stable and calm enough to accept such feelings.
Are not we too old?
"The legislator does not specify an age limit. If such limits are practically set by individual authorities, they have so so indeed found a practical solution, but no legal backing"Said Wolfgang Gert's. Discussion Worthy will the question in any case only when there walk toward the 50th For occupied numerous experiences that older adoptive parents good and understanding parents were, who dealt also circumspect and less scared with those problems that bring with a damaged by home stay child.
And how old should the child?
to get an infant is hard. Most children switched from abroad, at least in infancy, but at least nine months old. One should get the age structure of the family. That is, an adopted child should be under any existing siblings. It would bring disorder in grown structures if the other children suddenly get an older sibling, which it dominates. Also the Age difference must be well chosen: "If the distance is too large, it will similarly grow up a single child. If the age difference is too small, the positions in the family of all family members will be re-searched. There may be competition and excessive jealousy. That is why the age difference should be at least one year"So Gert, who himself adopted four foreign children and for many years on the subject of international adoption collects information, keeps in touch, provides assistance.
From which country our child to come?
Unfortunately, it is still in our country no matter how a child looks healthy skin or hair color it might have. Our own strength, but also the environment in which one lives should be considered. "One has to wonder what you can expect as a parent"So Pastor Gerts. Because it has not, but may well happen that not all people respond to the child friendly and prejudice. "You are a Romanian. Romanians steal - which I do not play!" Such statements by children who are reflecting the prejudices of their own parents often knows Gert's.
What we need to do first?
First, you should be given a consultation with the competent youth welfare office. "One should not be put off on the phone, the youth welfare offices have the task of advising"So Gert's. If possible, one should as quickly as possible a personal consultation can give, not to be put off for months. For large, often congested youth services often you still need to bring a little more patience.
Some youth welfare offices can also call prospective couples who have adopted a child, and with which one can interact. but the advice is also important to clarify the many questions that brings an international adoption with them:
- Adopt a child: costs and fees?
- I want adopieren an orphan. What do I have to do?
- "What about the status of my child?
- How is it beyond doubt a German child?
- Is a Nachadoption required?
- What psychological and social support pediatric need child, siblings and parents in the process of growing together?
- How do we get over crises away?"So Pastor Gerts.
In no case should on "immediate aid" even act on their own to get his Wunschkind private intermediaries (such as doctors, priests or lawyers) here or recourse abroad, or. Always and in any case, the official and known exchanges should be the (Adoption) drug of choice.
If the international adoption tackled, you can during the often long wait - one year is not uncommon - collect information also via the Internet, and connect with other waiting parents.
Open or anonymous adoption?
Many parents can imagine, to maintain further contact with the family of origin of their adopted child quite impressive. And in some cases this is certainly beneficial for parents and child. "but an open adoption also poses risks"As Pastor Gerts white. "One is sometimes forced to tolerate uninvited visit to the biological family members to be exposed to their Bittstellereien to be talked into education." One must also in the case of open adoption family of origin set clear boundaries that must accept them and comply. The experienced adoptive father warns: "You have to think twice, how much openness you want. What was once made, can not be reversed again." Also in this issue an interview with the consultants of the Youth Office is certainly advisable.
Whether the child now comes from Germany or abroad, the legal Requirements for parents are the same: each couple in which one spouse 25 years of age and the other spouse has reached the age of 21 can apply for the inclusion of an adoptive child. Unmarried can take alone, provided they have reached the age of 25 a child. In case of a marriage-like relationship only one of the partners may adopt the child, a joint adoption is not possible.
Those who now want to apply for an adopted child, often has the youth welfare office first one Questionnaire for adoptive parents Request and filled with some documents to submit these there again. In a personal conversation suitability is then examined as adoptive parents. In contrast to the adoption of a German child the couple must afford the costs of up to 1,200 euros for the aptitude test.
After that, the adoptive applicants can contact the recognized foreign exchanges. The individual places there are large differences in selection procedure and fees. The placement of a child takes place via the international placement office in cooperation with the local youth welfare office. The adoption is first carried out according to the laws of the country of origin. The adoption law is very different from country to country. If the child is in Germany, a new adoption under German law is advisable to secure the status of the child legally sound. Prerequisite for the adoption procedure is the notarized consent of the biological parents, which can be given the first eight weeks after birth. This form and date requirement under German law must already be considered in the adoption in the country of origin. The further procedure corresponds to that in the adoption of a German child.
The Hague Convention - more protection for children
Some parents crave so much as they wish child she to the reputable exchanges over adopt a child from abroad. Doubts whether the child for adoption really was done properly things are displaced, one is satisfied with half-truths, believes he can emphasize the chapter past completely out of the child's life. But even if the children desire is so eagerly still: The child's well-being is more important than the desire of parents for a rapid adoption and an immaculate child. Therefore, to be more done to protect the children being adopted in future also at international level.
The United Nations Children's Convention admits is entitled to their family of origin and the right to cultural identity to each child. Private International Law, adopted in 1993, the Hague Conference, the "Convention on cooperation and protection of children in the field of cross-border adoption", This Hague Convention provides for the welfare of the child in the first place and stipulates that international adoption can take place only if the rights of children are protected. Thus, a foreign adoption is only possible if the country of origin is no other way. may convey only recognized bodies, not at any site may obtain a financial advantage through the agency.
Which organizations provide foreign children?
The following adoption agencies work according to the rules and conditions of the Adoption Law:
- AdA Adoption counseling e.V.
- Parents for children e.V.
- Social Service of Catholic Women
- Evangelical Association for Adoption and foster children Mediation Rheinland e.V.
- International Social Service, German branch e.V.
- per infante - Action child in need e.V.
- Terre des hommes Germany e.V.
- club "Children of our world" e.V.
Information about the topic Adoption / International Adoption.
On the problem of international adoption: The info site of Terre des Hommes.
"adoption City", Meeting point for concerned parents, information about the topic, discussions, exchange of experiences, etc. Heiteres
Böcker, Werner and Krolzik, Volker:
Adoptions in One World - aids the integration of foreign children in Western Europe. Publisher Schulz-Kirchner, Idstein 1998th
Dörfling, Sabina and Alsatians, Inge:
International adoptions. Counseling, mediation, accompaniment.
Publisher Schulz-Kirchner, Idstein 1997th
"The child who wanted to be a cat",
DTV Munich 1997th
Our small Rumänenbande - children from the home! How change adoptions children and parents.
Steeple Publishing 1999th
International adoption and child welfare.
Nomos, Baden-Baden 1,991th
The child from Guatemala. History of adoption.
Verlag Frieling and P., Berlin 1999th
The small out-of-nest Faller.
Steeple Publishing 2000th