How will my child brave?
In order to face new challenges, we need self-confidence and courage. Through small everyday "Mutproben" can prepare their children to parents. How succeed and what role mothers and fathers often play, read this article.
educate children to brave people
Photo: © iStockphoto.com/ mevans
"Papa do!", The father obeyed and pulls the seat of the swing with three steps back over his head and then with all the force his son man to hurl forward. Every time the swing back commutes, he increasingly experienced the momentum until the age of three at the highest point almost horizontally in the air. Jonas has opened wide his mouth, he clings concentrated at the holding chains. Later Jonas are on the curious question of the author, whether he had had any fear that surprising answer: No, Daddy is not afraid, Mom is afraid. An isolated case, certainly, but a good opportunity to reflect on the role of the Pope, if he strikes another way, if a child has to muster courage than the mom would do in a given situation.
Who is brave, self-confident
Children should be educated to brave people. Anyone that dares tackles something too. A brave man is confident, stands by its values and keeps other in times of need. So you could describe what goes through your mind parents when on the educational objective "Courage" think.
First of all, many think of courage to dare. The child climbs, balanced or rocking up for the first time alone or particularly high. Jonas had spoken not only by his own fear. He did what allow his parents trust him. In this case, the father has credited his son more, the mom leaves out of concern for the welfare of the child more cautious.
Fathers challenge the children
Studies have shown that fathers actually deal different with the risk. Developmental psychologist Prof. Dr. Inge Seiffge-Krenke reports of experiments with video support where parents were observed playing with their children. "It was always the case that the father was the caring companion, but always challenged the child a piece to be courageous and to do more than it would have dared alone." At the University of Mainz is a focus of their research, the importance of fathers in the development of children and adolescents. "Fathers submit to ever to their babies, we call the kamikaze games, something that would never make mothers. But just because Fathers test limits, it is important that the father has a sensitive assessment, where he where he can challenge a piece of the kid overwhelmed or there. Good fathers know exactly now the child's eyes are angstgeweitet, now I've gone straight times a bit too far and have to back off a bit." Why children engage in extreme situations with their dad, the psychologist explains this: "While it can be triggered unlikely strong emotions, such as fear or anger, but the father captures the same in his protection and moderates that. So the child learns that it can not happen something really dangerous."
Mama taught caution
The fear of injury is more pronounced among mothers. therefore they are more likely to restrict children's urge to move in. If mothers get involved in a risk or discover a potential danger in an action, then they do the same thing on the subject. Either they speak the risk directly ("Always hold, otherwise you're flying down") Or indirectly by the situation is constantly commented on ( "Yes, you do plan ski in the water, beautiful, how do you keep her head above uih splashing the water in the face ...") What is meant well as confirmation and praise, but a situation can also take for granted. The child gets the message that it must be a very special situation, so it should answer it with caution on the matter dear, perhaps it is even to have a good reason to be afraid.
"In addition, a child hears the less to the spoken word, the younger it"Emphasizes Seiffge-Krenke. "Children pay attention to the emotional content of a message. With their fine antennas for tone of voice and facial expressions they feel the uncertainty or concern behind the words." A "You can do it" combined with outstretched arms, the worry lines on the forehead and excited running around the slide rather than create uncertainty determination.
Even the unconscious plays a role
That fathers let their children try out more boundaries as mothers, also has an unconscious component. Sabine Friedrich, psychologist and systemic family therapist at the child guidance in Horb, explains: "Fathers can start usually with older children more. They are therefore interested in developing faster and seem a three-year-olds sometimes a challenge to which would give a four year old sweaty palms." Maternal psychologist has observed a contrary phenomenon. "Mothers love the especially intimate time of the first years of their child. Especially the last born is then unconsciously slowed down in its development and overprotected."
Fine line of courage to mischief
When fathers now in the, recognized as educational value, want to sunbathe risk-taking, then they the thin line of courage to the lack of maturity must be aware of. Children rush seemingly brave into deep water, but not every child is aware of the danger actually aware of. If the adults do not intervene, the child might have drowned. Even if children do not understand all the explanations, they need to be addressed in real danger. Sometimes the "child prevented man" focusing on possible dangers. The man tends to dive with the child in the game situation. This is good for the impartiality of the children, but it must not blind us to its limits.
Courage and fear go together
Fear is the signal for danger. to ignore the anxiety or to displace, is how I feel about her, mistaking the danger and. If the Scion says he afraid of something and would therefore not do a certain thing, helping Papa comment "oh crap because you need but have no fear" not the child. It thinks it is a failure if it is not willing to contend with a test of courage.
A child dissuade the fear is to leave the child alone. It is important that the child continue to function. First, the father should ask if he was re-proposing the test of courage the child, whom he had himself celebrated as a child to the dismay of his mother. It is better if a child, his "dangerous adventure" retrieves itself. If the Scion has selected the mega slide and now slips the heart sank, then the father should (which is also true for the mother) clarify with the child, which focused sees the danger: too high, too fast, fear Ouch do. Suggestions how to time slip from here, "I stand down and start on you" or "I'll show you times how to curb" can mature in children the knowledge, yes, I can do it. It is important that these are proposals. The more the child is involved in finding a solution, the better self-esteem can develop to have mastered a hazard itself.
"Fathers it a good program"
Anyone who thinks that it sounded very top-heavy academic, after all it is but only one time slides in the playground, the can calm Seiffge-Krenke: "Fathers generally have instinctively a good program it. They do it before, do it together, in close contact is tried, the offspring is allowed to grope one's own model in small steps." And for the development of courage to face challenges, the sum of all the successful solutions and strategies is crucial.
"Courageously a child is in moments that itself does not look like a dare, says Sabine Friedrich. "Just a Dad who is like artisan act should take the opportunity to give his child small tasks. paste the bird house, tuck in the first nail, there are so many ways to get to know a child that it can meet new challenges. Also it is self-confidence and courage to develop."
At the latest with the start of school for a child with completely new tests of courage is confronted. Social interaction it undergoes the unpredictability of a situation. It stands in front of the class and suddenly it is ridiculed. It has moments of exclusion, humiliation that affect it only in part, but can rarely prevent in advance. yet again to face the situation or to become even harder for others, where such re-runs, but it takes courage.
pass on their own expereience to the child
"Family life has a decisive influence whether a child confronts other people brave. Parents with integrated personality have social brave children"Says Friedrich. "Papa and Mama were sometimes small. must show the naturalness of the laughing and crying, joy and anger and sometimes admit to having been afraid in a situation signal the child: I'm fine the way I am, the big ones are also so", In addition to the emotional openness children can certainly learn from the daily challenges of their parents. "Now the father is no longer going to the mammoth hunting and stands up to fight against the saber-toothed tiger, but even the daily office routine is enough material for short stories at dinner, whether it is going to the boss because of the raise or the bullying from the Mayer of the table , Even if the dad tells the experience in the first place his wife, the child learns the emotional world of the Papas, the queasy feeling and the relief afterwards."
Fear and desire
There are things which appeal only consist of fear and overcoming fear, the fear -Lust combination. The Great bind a dare a rubber cord around your feet and jump from the bridge, the little ghost train ride. to hear a fairy tale to the end is a little man, a courageous act that was worth it, if defeated in the end evil will. When wolf and witch have the thrill in between their appearance, they do not want to miss. And because the message is important: There is a solution. With the right idea, I can actively cope with a threatening situation.